Permission

The neighbor builds something in his garage and
I’m propped in my bed like a patient
Who has checked herself into the hospital

I gave myself permission this morning
To see people clinging to leaves
To hear monsters crawling under the house

To be weird and far out there, after all, I’ve earned it,
Working in an office–sit down, do the work
No complaints, no acknowledgment of sacrifice.

Then I moved to the forests in Sonoma
That’s where I lost my arms…they fell off from takeoff.

Flew high on divine power…still yearn for it
Then crashed…Made myself quit the hits
And then had two years of spiritual sobriety

most boring fucking time of my life

I want it back so badly
the bliss of knowing unknown…of letting go to the other realms
But I lost myself in the name of “spirituality.”

I spent those three years
Asleep and under a spell.

It’s different now.

I want to let go and be myself
Not let go and lose myself

I am a warrior fighting to keep herself sane
It’s another adventure.

I think I’ll spend the day being my weird self…
And then the next day still being my odd self…
No one will know. Everyone is too busy
Thinking and worrying about things
They don’t need to be thinking and worrying about.

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